25 “Cool” things about being 25 ©

I started this note thinking I would write 25 things I have learnt (pun-intended) in 25 years but I realized I had already done something similar a few months back and then I was back to square one with nothing to write about. I wanted to write something related to 25 and hence thought of doing something different with it. 25 with a twist?!

So why did I want to write about this particular age? When I was young“er”; I would get into arguments with my parents which would go something like this-

Them (as usual the set of them ganged up against me):  “No Ramneek, you are still a kid and you need to listen to us!”

Me: “I am not a kid. I am 15/16/17/18/19/20... and I am quite capable of making my own decisions. It’s my life!”

Them: “Don’t be in a hurry to grow up beta; this time will never come back.”

We all have had this sort of argument with our parents’ right? And everytime they said something to the like of ‘don’t be in a hurry to grow up’ I would roll my eyes and silently wonder what the whole good deal was about being kids and promise myself that this is something I would never tell my children. I don’t have children yet, I am not even married but I know for a fact that this is something I am also going to say to my children probably a hundred times more than my parents said it to me. Now I do wish someone would call me a kid and take my decisions for me. When you are put in unpleasant and tough situations; a part of me still wants to pause it and rewind time and go back to being a child again. Getting up in the morning, fighting with my parents every single day over breakfast they forced me to eat and then going to school. The other day I was sick and had unavoidable work at office for a few days and I remembered how easy it was when we were younger, fall sick and voila there was a sick leave and mommy dearest taking care of you at home and we actually got to watch unlimited TV. A flu/viral was actually like a little mini vacation in those times. Here in office you fall sick; you have two options. Options 1; go to work no matter how you feel or option 2; dare to take a holiday and suffer the consequences (shudder). So yes this is the inevitable circle for your life, we all are destined to become our parents. It is true. Don’t believe me now? Let’s talk about this in another 10 years, when there is a spouse on your head and two or three or one (if you are the less the more types) child/children trotting around you.

So in this depressive state of affairs I decided to cheer myself up and jot down 25 things I learnt in 25 years which has now turned into 25 cool things about being 25. Yay! Something to make being in my mid 20s feel less adult than it honestly really is. Don’t be shocked guys; I am sure we will find 25 cool things. Hope for it! Here goes.

1. First and foremost- why did I even want to write a note titled ‘25 things I have learnt in 25 years’? Because growing older makes you want to share your knowledge! One of the perks of being an adult and growing up is getting to share your life experiences or so called leanings with those younger. Ahan. The more the wrinkles the more the ‘tazorba’. So basically since I don’t have kids right now and yet feel old I had this parent-‘ly’ feeling; the feeling we dreaded as kids; that is; of shedding some life knowledge and feeling oh so grown up (in the good way).You have gyaan to share darlings! And the younger 20-21 year olds might actually think you know what you are talking about and look upto you (yes you, imagine)!
2. Well, you can officially drink now. Okay so you were grooving with drinks in your hands when Hard Kaur sang ‘ek glassy do glassy teen glassy char’ but doesn’t it feel nice that now you can do it legally? Admit is baby, it sure does!
3. Alcohol tastes better. Ofcourse we had it when we were younger but it was more due to peer pressure and to look cool (admit it, you did). Now you have “acquired” the taste and unless you are my best friends (:P) you definitely know how to hold your booze better than you did when you were 18.
4. You make money! Maybe it isn’t all that much but alteast it’s something right, atleast when you spend a little too much doing that shopping/ online shopping you don’t feel as guilty about it, only broke much before the month ends.
5. You have better control over your hair. You know how to manage it and how to make it pass through a bad hair day. This has been one big victory. Final score- You 100, Hair 99.
6. Remember when we look at old photographs and can’t stop laughing over how bad our dressing sense was in Class 9th or 10th? Well chances are that ten years down the line we would still slightly look down on the clothes we are wearing today but it would only be slightly. We do have better control over clothes now! We are done with awkward styling & experimenting of the early 20s and have now found the clothes that are our second skin. Thankfully!
7. You have much become much better at identifying bitches & assholes. When we were younger it took us months to come to the realization that about somebody’s bad behaviour was an inherent part of their crappy personality and not just a one off incident. Now we have come to accept that some people are born like that and we have become trained to spot them easy, maybe not as easily as we would want..well we will get there too.
8. You are 25. It is a cool number really. 5 multiplied by 5!! Haha. Okay this one was random but it counts.
9. Not having to study or prepare for exams! No matter how late I work in office some days or how sometimes have to work over weekends, I do not want to go back to giving exams. Period.
10. The much better relationship you share with your parents. It’s simply beautiful how as you grow older parents turn from your care takers; to the ones who seem to not let you do anything; to the ones you rebel against; to the ones who support you; to your best friends and confidants.
11. The evolved relationship with your siblings. At one time you fought with them and hated their guts but now you know who has your back and forever will- them.
12. Having friends you have known for ages. By the time you are 25 you have gone through a lot of friends and have identified your special ones and chances are you have now known them for quite a while which is a brilliant because they feel like your second family. The idiots you love to pieces and who love you back.
13. Your dreams are realistic now. The best thing about being a child is having infinite dreams and not having the wisdom to know that some of them can never come true. It is true bliss. Dreaming and believing it would come true. But as we grow older reality does set in and it sort of hurts, dreaming even when you know it is not a possibility. By the time you are 25 you get more realistic and dream accordingly. And isn’t that good?
14. You know what you don’t want in life. You are far away from knowing what you want in life and are probably going to fall, err, cry, heal and find your way a 100 more times before you know what you want but what you don’t want, that is pretty much mapped out in your head and more so in your heart.
15. You understand the X rated jokes now without having to pretend laugh to save face because you have not understood a word. This happened a lot when you were 20. Remember watching Sex and the City when you were 18 and you could not make sense of a lot of the stuff the girls talked about? It happened with Friends too where in some episodes they cracked these jokes and you would wonder to yourself what did it mean. Well atleast that’s over.
16. You know yourself much more and are connected with yourself. This is one of the most important connections you have to make in life. As life moves on you will change and evolve but the connection you have made with yourself will just grow along with. Do not let it go, develop it more.
17. Chances are that if you are a girl living in our dear India, you have always had a deadline and your parents have always been super protective about you. It never goes away, ever. Infact as you grow older even your elder siblings especially brothers start being super protective. But by the time you are 25; your parents have made peace with the fact that you are a grown up (probably not as much as you would wish they would) and your deadlines have either extended by a lot or gone away completely. And if you are a girl trust me this is one of the biggest plus points of this age.
18. You are still capable of partying the entire night and picking up your tired ass and going to work the next day. Yes, you crazy 21 year olds, Booyahhhh!!!! Not only do we party, ‘partaaaaaay’ style but we also are responsible enough to wake up and go make world changing decisions (well fine, go make presentations/reports/analysis/sales) the next day while you will just pick you lazy ass to go sleep in a lecture.
19. Your wardrobe is amazingly huge now, only if you are a girl. If you are guy I am sure you still just have 2 pairs of jeans, 2 pairs of t-shirts, 2 pairs of trousers, 2 pairs of shirts & 2 pairs of shoes. Uff, these men never change! So us girls, we have a lot of shoes and clothes, everything for every occasion, for every weather, for every mood..but yes, we will still cry about how we have nothing to wear.
20. Your music taste has become so much more awesome now. You like different varieties of music & are not just an Akon/ Atif Aslam loyalist anymore. Or for that matter, a Himesh Reshamiya loyalist singing- Tera tera teraaa surooor:P
21. In the journey to turning 25, chances are that in all likelihood you have conquered one great fear of yours till now. Think about it. There has to be something. For me, growing up with just one elder sibling and not many cousins I never had any young kids around when I was a teenager. So I had developed a fear of holding kids, I honestly always thought I would drop them. Well I have overcome that atleast; without actually dropping one. About time.
22. Parents finally understand when you tell them you need space. It seems that the manuscript given to Indian people once they become parents specifies to always mollycoddle your child. After a bad day or a bad fight with someone, I remember so many times telling my  parents that I wanted to be alone, I don’t think they understood it ever because they did the exact opposite of it. Admittedly I am thankful for that but sometimes you just need a little tiny space. By the time you turn 25, your parents understand that. Finally.
23. Well okay, so yes half the people I know are either married or somewhere along the path of going into holy matrimony. If we look at it one way, it sucks. But every cloud has a silver lining my friend. The more of marriages, the more of awesome clothes I get to buy, the more of awesome shoes to go with it, the more of awesome snaps I get to take, the more of crazy parties I get to attend and let me tell you, there is no crazier party than a Punjabi marriage function party! You think you saw cocktail? Well attend a Punjabi cocktail and you will know what the real cocktail is!
24. You have better control over your weakness for something. Like that liking for chocolate which was ridiculously a lot since I was a kid, well that has reduced and now I can easily stop myself from having a piece of chocolate when offered one and saying no. Self control, which is what you learn with age. Umm, writing about chocolate reminds me that there is this Mars bar lying in my fridge. Hmmmmm. Scratch the self control, point 23 is deemed invalid :P
25. And finally the 25th.....You are older but not old enough. Which means that it will be a long long long longgggg while before we grow up completely and stop being stupid and silly. So we can be adults without being all the way there. We are 25 and not 30 yet ;)

Napster

1^st August 2001- 26^th June 2012

They say it’s you who takes care of your dog, but isn’t it really your dog who takes care of you? They are always there- happy when you are happy, counselling you when you are low, giving you a warm fuzzy hug and lick when you cry and helping you feel needed when you feel useless. They are there every step of the way.

My Napster, was all this and more. For almost 11 good years. Born 1^st August, he came to our lives on 12th September 2001. We had been wishing for him for a few years, pleading with our parents; telling them how we will take care of him and they would not have to, how we would clean him, walk him, brush him, feed him- all the things teenagers say to convince their parents to let them keep a dog. His name came into our lives much before he did. Our mom heard us obsessing over the music downloading site called Napster and she decided pronto that this is what we would name our future dog.

The day he came into our lives, he came with a bang. The decision had been taken and we were going to get a dog. Parents had found out from where and when. The date had been set. The whole day I remember going to school telling everyone who would listen that I was going to get a dog. I was on cloud nine. When we got home, we were totally excited and awaiting our dad’s return from work even more so than normal that day as he would get the dog. So our dad being the person who loves to surprise us, to throw us off track told mom to tell us he was not getting him as he could not find the way to the doctor he had to pick him from. She told us the same and so dejected we were. A few minutes later when the bell rang and we like we usually did went to meet dad, little did we know it was the last time only the 2 of us along with mom would run to the door when dad came. And there we saw..from dad’s coat was this black ball of softness coming out and we screamed in joy. Dad put him down and the sniffer got into his sniffing mania. He was super active! We were shocked. We thought pups were like cute, quite and not so active. That’s what they used to show in movies till then! When we all sat down he immediately came to me and started gnawing at my chappal and thinking it was just for now I gave it to him. How was I supposed to know this chappal eating would soon to become a habit (rokee mistake! In the future when our other two dogs came, chappals were the first things they were told NO for).

So his first night he slept in our room, shared by me and my brother. The whole night we were scared that he might climb our bed and bite us. HAHA. Not knowing then that his teeth could barely bite through bread forget out skin. From then on began the roller coaster ride..

Napster did not stop at chappals, within his first 6 months; he had eaten most of my chappals, the heel of my pretty new sandals, several chunnis of my mom, the socks and handkerchiefs of my dad..all this while when my brother was busy feeding him everything he himself ate- one French for Harpreet other French fry goes to Napster, I have photographed proof of this). Apart from all these dirty habits he had, I don’t think Napster himself knew he was a dog. He would not bark (dad even thought he was mute), he would not bark even if other dogs barked at him and he had absolutely no interest in meeting other dogs though if they were bitches he would put his flirt hat on (yes he was quite a Casanova- tried to flirt with two sisters at once!).

After he was about 3-4 months old, my dad asked me to live up to my promise of walking him. I remember the first evening I took him, I remember cursing him- he pooped in the middle of the road, went a little ahead and lied down. In the middle of the road! He would not get up even if I tugged at his leash, pulled him, pleaded with him..nothing worked! And then I had to turn back and take him back home. For that he got up and started walking. Smart ass! But this was only the start. After a few days when he realized I would not give up, he gave in and from then started our walking evenings. The dog could walk! He would walk fast, slow, medium pace..whatever I would want, how long I would walk. It became our time together. But fool you not; this was only with me..till date he was the most stubborn dog ever (even when he was not well, imagine that). He would walk fast, slow, medium pace but ‘his’ pace not yours. What he wants. With me, he let me guide him. With others he would always take the lead.  Over the years we have had many helps come and complain that- “Napster ne tu aaj mujhe gira hi diya..itna kheecha” ..and my mom would always apologize profusely to them and pretend to scold Napster.

Through his nearly 5 years as our only dog, Napster devoured in all the attention he got. In his second winter he was given a coat to wear, the sneaky little thing ate it! Yes he ate it! Ran away in a room and 10 minutes later when everyone was wondering where he is and looked for him, they found him sitting in one the beds in a room and eating his coat! Weird-‘ed’ by his behaviour, my brother went and got him a new coat, thinking he would feel too cold without it. And guess what Napster did? Within the next 1 week it was eaten too! So then silly us, got him another coat..and we all know what he did to that! I think Napster came into the right family, because my mom also took a stubborn stand and told us not to buy him any new coat. She took the last eaten away one, took one of my winter skirts and made him a ‘coat-a-skirty’. Haha. So for the next 2 winters Napster wore that and he didn’t eat it. We don’t know if it was because he actually loved it or because he understood that nothing new was coming for him.

As naughty as he was, Napster was also obedient. He has a huge vocabulary. Would not touch his food till he was told to- “Eat”. That is some self control. After his first 6 months, he would not litter in the house at all! He knew the classic handshake. My dad did train him well and he was an easy dog to train.

I remember when I read 'Marley and Me', Napster would have been 4 years old. I remember thinking that time that I could not ever imagine him not being here. And today that is a reality. What he meant to me and my family can never be put properly in words and the adventures we shared together can never be written in a few words. He touched not only our lives but the lives of all the people around us. My best friends, who used to be scared of Napster when I got to know them, now love him as much as I love him. My now bhabhi, when I got to know her as a friend, having a dog was one of the first few things in common we had and now she loved and took care of him like her own baby when he needed it the most.

All I can say is that he came into our lives and filled our hearts with love, so much love..he took love and he gave more of that back..he could not speak but his eyes spoke and they spoke about love and how he would always be there for us..he was funny, mischievous yet mature and cherished in all the attention he got..he loved us, the ac, the food and sniffing after Lizzie..he was special..he was a champion in every sense of the word.. and we will love him forever..our sweetest angel :* ..Take care, till we meet again :)

The last time I checked we weren’t celebrities or critics!! ©

Either someone is too thin or too fat..too fair or too tanned or too dark..put on a little weight or needs to lose a little..has lots of acne or too much of a porcelain skin that he/she looks pale..has a belly coming out or looks so anorexic that you can see his/her bones..someone’s dressing sense looks like he/she is from hell (ofcourse, only you could know what people in hell looked like) or someone dresses so fancy that it has to be daddy’s money (glad to know you are good at judging people’s financial wealth, maybe you do have a career calling in life after all)..

So what's the deal people? Where the hell and how the hell does so much judgement come by? Who are you to judge if someone needs to lose a little weight or go to a dermatologist? If that someone is okay with how they are and like it, who are you; that is matters to you? Aspiring to be a critic are we? Using all of us as your playground?

The last time I checked, we were not celebrities and our job was not that of a celebrity. So even if we don’t look perfect or have a few extra pounds or a few less pounds, trust me..it does not matter. I will still go to work and get paid the amount I always do. We are engineers, doctors, lawyers, researchers, marketers, managers and how fat or thin we look or how much acne we have will never effect how good our performance is at work. Though, if the next time they start paying me 2 lacs for one day of “appearance” at work I might consider looking perfect and working hard at it. So next time you want to judge me or the rest of us, give us 2 lacs each and we will take care and be perfect.

Sometimes living in a place like Delhi (I really don’t know where else such things happen) gets on your nerves and hence the ranting. Looking at a person, thinking he/she has gained weight etc etc is fine..come one we are humans, the observing creatures so we will observe, but passing a judgement as to how they look and how they should reduce weight and so on and so forth for all the other judgements we make is not cool. If a person is healthy, it is their wish how they look and if they want to change it, it is their choice.  Not yours. And unless you are their best or close friend, family, boyfriend/girlfriend etc, it’s really not your business to even give a suggestion.

If you are from Delhi, think about it..you will always know these girls/girl who whenever you meet will pass a judgment on your appearance- the weight you gained or lost, the acne that came or went, the puffiness or dark circles of your eyes and then all about the clothes you are wearing. And they will always do it with good facial expressions to make their judgements even more dramatic (open a drama school in Delhi, natural talent here). Whenever I meet someone like this I feel like slapping them. There outright, I have rage issues and I wish these girls knew before they passed judgement like that on me or anyone else. I often wonder, how do they even notice such things in the first place or keep track of them? Do they maintain a diary of such things (that vela)? And why do they do it? It is because they are constantly so insecure of how they look and feel they are under scrutiny so they must put everyone else under their scrutiny just to make themselves feel in control again?

Don’t get me wrong, I love Delhi but sometimes people do have a habit of getting too judgemental here. Why do people here care so much about how others look? Okay fine, there is a page 3 culture here which possibly is why people are so aware of the appearance aspect of self and others. But then that’s them, the socialites who have to keep the appearances. Why do normal girls want to emulate them? Even if they do, why do they want everyone else to emulate them and look perfect?

The saddest part is, it is mostly women who pass such judgements and impose them on men too. So it is a vicious circle right. The women in our city bringing the city down and the city bringing the women down.

(Short Story) The Pink B**** ©

1^st April 2011

It’s not easy admitting to you own self about how broken you are. Sometimes it is not easy even admitting that you are broken in the first place. You go to office, keep the un-bailable social engagements, sleep at a decent time, pick up no vices, smile when needed and laugh when required. It is tough for anyone to think that you are enduring a broken heart. And among all those games faces you put up, you yourself forget that it’s just a face to conceal the brokenness within. Sitting and crying in my mom’s lap, the one woman I love the most did the realization come to me- that it hurt like hell. And no matter how many games faces I had, there was no way to turn off the pain, no way to put it off any longer. I had a broken heart and a failed relationship. It was time to accept both those facts and move on.

For people like me, the ones who are totally control oriented, like knowing where their life is going, like being stable, like having safety net- this isn’t easy. The pain comes in not only admitting to others but most is admitting to self. That something you loved the most; failed. Something you were proud of; failed. The person who you were proud of; failed..you. Dawning? About time. At 25 years, the relationship I spent my early adult life in, spend my early adult life nurturing, failed me. Wow.

I went back to my room. Sat on the bed, placed my head between my own hands and cried. All I could think was that I felt alone. Screwed over. Taken for granted. Left. The last one rang over me, again and again and again. It was like someone had made a joke out my life- hey, here it is great relationship, bundles of love, so much happiness..never alone..<drum rolls>..oh we were kidding..you are meant to be alone and fucked up..

I met Rahul when I was 18, the first day of college. We had what you called the picture perfect romance. He saw me, I saw him..our eyes met..and that was it. We fell deeply madly in love with each other. The people stopped existing. It was just me for him and him for me. 4 years of togetherness during college. The next two years doing our MBA together, got into jobs in the same city and joined with plans to get married within one year. And it’s been one year. Look at where we are at.

15^th May 2011

I accept people cheat, people lie, and people do bad things. I get that sometimes there is no right or wrong and things aren’t always black or white. I accept that it can be grey but it would be gray with me is something I could not imagine. Rahul would cheat on me; I could not imagine or even dream of that. The only thing that made me feel better was that he came and told me what he did. He did not try to hide it. His honesty, it’s what made me love him so much and now it was what made me hate him. In my darkest alone times, I even wished that why did he tell me. I could have lived not knowing and thinking the best of him. It’s funny how our pain and desperation mixed together can make us wish for the stupidest things. A few times I even thought I should forgive him and let it g, so many women do it, why could I not? Plus I had a guy who was honest. So maybe it meant something. Luckily for me I snapped out of it when I thought such things. Made me realize, the human mind and heart when grappling with pain are totally willing to let the self respect go the shambles just to get out of the pain.

18^th November 2011

Days passed into weeks. Weeks passed into months. The smile on my face refused to return. My friends tried to get in but after facing the wall I put up for a few times, they gave up. Maybe that’s what I wanted. To be left completely alone. My family tried their best to cheer me up, to not leave me alone but there was only so much they could do. Rahul, well Rahul had decided to move on. He was now dating the girl he cheated on me with. I got to know this through one of my friends. This was a piece of information I would not want to know, she told me because she thought it would help me get out of this relationship. But unfortunately it put me deeper inside. Why was it that it was him the cheater..to so easily move on..but for me the cheated upon to still grasp onto the broken pieces of the relationship? How could he be so much more rational and understand that it didn’t work out and move on? Did he have a switch in his body with which he could turn our relationship off? Then why didn’t I? Why could I just not hate him and move on? I had said everything I ever wanted to him, I had abused him, cried infront of him and got all the feelings out of my system. But still I just could not get out. He was there living his life with nothing more than a memory of us and here I was trying to make sense of what happened.

Wake up. Office. Home. My life.

26^th February 2012

It’s almost going to be a year since I broke up with he who must not be named. Yes he is addressed as him or he who must not be named. I prefer thinking of him like Lord Voldemort, the evil force. Spending years with one person makes you so dependent on them that the first part of recovery post a breakup is actually leaning to live alone and be independent. There is no one to wake you up in the morning, no one to chat through the day, no one to instantly call when you have something to share, no one to meet and have dates with, no one waiting for you to go home and no one to wish sweet goodnights to. Worst of all, the feeling you have, the one where you always feel safe in your heart because you know there is someone out there for you who loves you like crazy, that feeling goes and all you are left with is emptiness. After living as two you are suddenly out all alone fending for yourself. Well I took it in steps.

Step 1, learning to be alone & not fearing it.

Step 2, reaching out to all my friends and family.

Step 3, keeping busy.

Step 4, not thinking about he who must not be named.

Step 5..well somewhere along the way of doing all those steps I realized, I really didn’t miss him that much anymore.

4^th April 2012

It’s been more than a year. I remember this time. I always will. I think of how I felt a year back and how I feel now. The pain has subsided. The life has resumed. Time does heal a lot of things. It does make the pain easier to deal with, the hurt to subside and the alone-ness to fade. The only thing it doesn’t do is teach you how to forgive. I keep hearing it will. I guess I need more time to reach that phase. I am over him, him as in Rahul. Yes we can name him now. He isn’t that evil. Maybe someday I will be friends with him and we will laugh back at what happened between us and I will pull his leg for cheating on me, I will understand what he did and forgive him. Someday, but not anytime soon. Till then I m happy hating him. Scratch that, disliking him. Hate is too strong a word. Hate is black. And since I can’t have white, I prefer to be in the pinks now. They are the girlier versions of the greys. He was only human because he cheated on me, I am also human so I can dislike him & etc etc..so all is fair. I heard somewhere that behind every bitch is a man who turned her into one. And bitches live in the pinks baby. Amen to that.

(Short Story) They are called clichés for a reason ©

A bruised eye. Cliché. It seems that this is all my life is these days, a series of perfect clichés. Damn, this is going to take a pound of make up to cover and there is no way I can make it totally un-noticeable in the day light. No way I could go to college, this is going to invite a million questions from my friends and I guess they are kind of getting tired of the me clumsy idiot reasoning. Plus Mehak would know what is going on inside me. She is my best friend and she knows everything even when I don’t tell her. I just can’t deal with all that right now. I can’t even afford to miss any more classes. I am already short on attendance. Why must all the bad things happen together? Atleast I should be glad that I don’t stay with mom dad because if I had to face them now I think I would probably have a heart attack. I let them down. I knew it. I knew they felt it in the last one year. But to see it in their eyes, it would kill me. I don’t even remember the last time I spoke to Ma. 

Life is something. It can change, do a complete 360 in a matter of seconds and sometimes you wait a whole lifetime, try as hard as you can and nothing changes. I have gone from the sweet, full attendance, friends are most important, mom is my best friend, dad is my knight, feminist girl into this. This person who just can’t care about anything except Raj. Raj is my boyfriend and he is responsible for this change. Since he came into my life, I just found myself. Atleast that is what I thought then. Now I feel, when he came I lost myself along the way in trying to become one with him. I think love does that to you. The crap about you fall in love or the latest, you rise in love is so false. The truth is you lose yourself in love and when you emerge with love flowing all through your soul you are a different person. Sometimes it’s for the better, sometimes for the worse. For me it is..I don’t know. I am sure if right now I say it’s for the worse, in a few hours or tomorrow I would say I was wrong and it is for the better. Raj does that to me. Raj..Sometimes I curse the day I met him. Sometimes I thank my stars for that day. 

Our story? Getting drunk with our respective group of friends in a club, he approached me and his approach was too cool for me to turn him down, we exchanged numbers and then it started off from there. First Texting, then the calls, then meeting, then wooing..you know the jazz. Finally giving in and then the works. I know it’s neither magical nor romantic but it’s raw, real and passionate. That is us- raw, real and passionate. I feel if you could rip my heart open and feel the love I have for him it would blow you apart. Your body could not deal with such emotion. Sometimes I wonder how mine does. I love him, truly, deeply, madly. But is it enough? Does it make him be good to me? Are we perfect? Are we happy most of our time? Have I never regretted it? Negative is how I answer all those questions. We have too many lows. More than our fair share. Too many bad times. Why do I stick it out? For me, when there is a high, it is so high; I feel I am on drugs. When it’s a good time, it is so good that it gets me tripping. And then I forget the bad memories. They seem too small and negligible. Like I know how I am feeling today, how much my eye is paining, how I feel I am in such a fix and I feel so down. Knowing Raj he would do something and by tomorrow, this would seem like ancient history. Love works in weird ways.

So why are we so bad at times? I try my best to not be but I think Raj can’t control himself at times. He has the worst temper. It’s not his fault, he has had a bad childhood (read cliché). Mehak says I should not make excuses for his behaviour and I guess that is what they say in all those women magazines but why doesn’t anyone realise that it is not an excuse. His bad childhood makes him who he is so how can he help himself if he has a bad temper? Shaista, my classmate, changes men as often as I change my clothes. No one calls her a bad person, everyone just says it’s because her parents are divorced so she is a little unstable. Isn’t that using an excuse too? So yes, Raj is a nice guy with a bad temper for which there are reasons.

Last night, we were going out for a movie with his friends. I got five minutes late and it was whole shouting about how I was so tardy and had no respect for his honour infront of his friends. Yes even I laughed out when he said this, which meant another shouting about how irresponsible I am and how lightly I take things. It went on for quite a bit and we ended up missing the movie. His friends are so used to our fights that they went on along without us. Finally the shouting stopped. We made up in a child friendly manner. We joined them for dinner.

Notice how I used shouting and not argument? It’s my term for when he fights and I just listen. It happens a lot. There is no point arguing with him so I have given up. Dinner was good. One of the good times I talked about. He was the perfect boyfriend then. Had I been angry at him for embarrassing me infront of his friends, which I wasn’t because it was a routine now- him shouting at me infront of the world, well if I was I would have forgiven him.

It’s what happened after dinner that got me where I am right now. I am making Raj sound to be the most horrible person right? He is one of the best people I know minus the temper. So after dinner, as usual we came over to my place. We decided to curl up watching Lost. We were sitting on the sofa, me sipping on Cosmo and him on scotch, engrossed in the happenings on the island, we looked like a picture of bliss harmony, should have seen that as a sign as something bad will happen- a fight was brewing. He did what most guys do, he made his move and I did what any girl engrossed in a sitcom would- I shrugged his move off. It happened, precisely three more times and each time I shrugged it off. That was it, after the fourth time, he just lost it. It started with shouting but soon turned into a full blown out argument the details of which I will spare you guys from. Just that there was a lot of shouting from both sides. The end was that he stormed off. Soon after he left and I started to get ready to go to bed, I felt pukish and stormed off to the loo where I tripped on the mat and hit my face on the door handle with the knob poking my eye and the next thing I knew I was in the emergency ward in the hospital. Apparently Raj had come back to sort things out with me, that is what he says, I think he came back either to shout on me some more or see if there was a scope of him getting to make up in x rated fashion, if you know what I mean. He saw me passed out and called the emergency service.

Now it’s the time to hear the biggest cliché that happened to me. Drum rolls please? Yes so they ran some tests on me while I was there, to check for injuries and guess what they discovered?

I was pregnant.

                                                                                                                    

So here I am the morning after, sitting with a bruised eye that make up won’t cover, still in college and probably going to be kicked out of it due to short attendance, have a boyfriend who makes me love and hate him at the same time and so totally pregnant. By the way I haven’t told Raj, I don’t know how to or whether I should also or not. The thought of keeping “it” has not even crossed my mind once. I can’t. It’s not even possible to think of it, imagine how impossible it would be to keep “it.” I have already decided what I am going to do. There is no other option or possibility of anything else. I am sure of what I want. 

Does that make me a bad person?

None the Wiser? ©

24 going on 25, none the wiser?

A quarter of a century, a quarter of the being a kid to an adult, a quarter of pain misery & love, sadness & happiness, tears & joys, heartbreaks & heartjoins (??), depression & ecstasy, stupid stupid decisions to the smart choices (usually the former), dull moments to life changing situations, the friends lost to the best friends forever, the TV to the laptops, the hi5s to the facebooks, the hotmails to the gmails, the playgrounds to the social network, the velaness to the waiting for a non working weekend...STOP..okay so this really can go on and on and on..and on..

Being almost 25 is not a very nice age to be. It’s like you are sitting on the middle of the seesaw: the un-adulthood part of adulthood pulling you to one side and the mature part of adulthood with its marriage, growing up, having kids and having your own family pulling you the other side. Not a good place to be in being pulled by two, one does feel very “tear”able. The see-saw is there for everyone to see!

The thing that I often discuss with my best friend is that facebook for us has now transformed from a site with information about who is dating who and hitting which parties to who is marrying who, who is getting engaged to who and who had a kid! We often cry to each other in shock about how many people we know who are getting married or engaged. We are still holding on to our idea (since 18) of being too young for marriage..like I said we are almost 25 now, so yes we are very delusional and would like to continue believing we are too young and babies for things like marriage. There are many like us, around us. I am sure if facebook did a survey on the most common status posted by people in our age group, it would be the now immortalized quote by Barney Stinson on growing up- “Everyone I know is getting married or pregnant. I’m just getting more awesome”..which by the way is a big lie both on-screen & off-screen. Even in the show while everyone is moving on Barney’s character is becoming stale! So yes while everyone is getting married, pregnant or engaged are those like us sitting in the middle of the see-saw just getting older and stagnant? 

The good thing that is supposed to happen with age is that we are supposed to become wiser(?!). I often wonder, how wiser are we than the 15 year old us? Smarter and shrewder..maybe, learnt our  way around..somewhat in process, got good at doing something and pretending we never did it..definitely, learnt a few tricks of the trade liking acting we are okay when we are not, lying that we are fine when we are hurting, saying things we really do not mean, making promises we know we shall never keep, being diplomatic..ofcourse that is how we are surviving. So have we really become any wiser or have we just become more cynical?

Thinking about jotting down things I learnt or misinterpreted as learnings (:P) over the years (ofcourse keeping it as light as possible). Things which I am sure most of my friends would agree with me on. So is this a guide to being 24 on 25? Umm, no. Me guide? Ha. Have a read. Be amused.

Have a dog, they are adorable and the cutest little big pooches in this world. If nothing, a dog can teach you all about unconditional love and the art of the never ending want for something (food in their case)

Your work if not your life, is a big part of your life. It is humanely impossible disconnect yourself from something you do 12 hours a day 5-6 times a week, so *obscene rude  gesture* to those who say anything else!

Have a boyfriend but have a best friend forever aka bff. A bf will occasionally let you down, a bff will hardly ever. It is probably the best fun relationship you will have. Oh you will fight, never for one second think you won’t, you will, probably more horrible than fighting with your bf..but it is more than worth it.

Have your group of girls or gang of lifelines as I like to call them (I am pretty sure they do not know this and will probably kill me if they read it so I suggest scratch that :P). They are the best support system you need in your life. Venting to them is the best feeling ever- it does not necessarily have to be over a couple of cosmopolitans as the girls in sex and the city taught us, it could just be over coffee! And for your own sake please stop calling your female friends “Bithces” post your 21st birthday.

Please do not write please as “puh-lease” post your 18th birthday or rather ever.

Being in a relationship will not always be like a gala time. You do have to work on it sometimes, but if it’s too much work then it’s honestly not worth it because love & being with someone has to come naturally.

Love your boyfriend. Forgive him easily when he does those stupid things and forgets easily, he is man remember?

There is a cave-man in every man. No I do not speak about the metro sexual varity. They are beyond my understanding. I go "blank blank not able to process, super confusion over sex of person" like a robot when I meet one. 

Love is immortal.

Tired of having some people constantly letting you down? Let them down and out of your life! Do not waste time on people who will never really waste that much time on you.

Love your family. We can’t choose our family yet it is the best we will get in our life. Spend as much time as you can with them.

The mother..is always right. No arguments & no explanations. So if she tells you to carry an umbrella on a not so cloudy day or wear an extra sweater because she thinks you might fall sick- just do it. Chances are even if the sun is shining with all its glory that day, the clouds will find a way to rain and if you choose not to wear that sweater you will catch a cold. It is the power of mother. Respect it!

When we were 17-18 years old they used to tell us about how rich people with their own companies like Steve Jobs and Bill Gates had dropped out of college, making us feel cool that we were rebellious, hated authority and education and believe we could still get awesome in life. What they never told us then was that these people were geniuses who already acquired more knowledge on their own than school could ever teach them and they dropped out because they wanted to build their dreams not because they were laid back people who wanted to wail away their time. Lesson? Do not believe everything that is said to motivate you!

Please do not write “cum” when you mean “come”..everyone above the age of 16 knows the difference (given the way the younger generation is growing up I should just make that 8). So it is amusing to most of us when you write- “I will cum soon”. Please don’t. My friend Anusha & I actually judged the direction of how our friendship would go depending on how we wrote the word come in the smses. After getting along well over a few days in college while smsing each other she was checking if I would write come or cum and I was checking the same about her!! And when we shared this we admitted had the word “cum” been written it would have been bye bye tata friendship.

Photoshop just might be the best invention of all time followed by the wheel. Don’t believe me? Ask any girl around you.

Learn sarcasm. If it does not come naturally, buy a book or google it. But learn sarcasm.

We love our slangs. But please do not end up writing lol in your answer sheet in an exam or some interview.

Never judge a book by its cover, judge it by the number of pages it has & the photo of the author. Haha. Okay not really. Read. I could never really convince my boyfriend to do it so I encourage the rest of you. Help “man”-kind.

You are too young to get married, always. Remember this. No matter what your parents say.

Love vampires (and love Stefan more than Damon, really don’t try to be a bad girl in love with bad boys :P)

Now before this list goes from okayish random to totally random I need to put a stop to the writing. Just one last thing- Believe in the power of true love &  in the power of friendship- “some friendships are like coke, they fizz away if they are open for too long..others are like juice, they were always natural and never needed any fizz to fake start it.. “

"Too sentimental..Can't process, feel like a man" :P ..Over & Out.

Why do you love to hate Rockstar? ©

Why do you love to hate Rockstar????????

Yes. You. You the person who has in the past one week updated his/her facebook status to-  “Tera HAQ..tu hi RAKH..Teri movie..WTF”..or something in the similar lines. I want to talk to you. Outright I am not a Ranbir fan or an Imtiaz Ali fan or for that matter even a fan of A.R Rahman (you can’t believe I said that- well I did!). So this post does not come from a lover of the above mentioned people. It comes from a person who can understand atleast where Rockstar came from and is so disappointed in all of you that you can’t understand the same. It’s right in you. You have probably been Jordan at one point in your life or Heer. I mean you were not really a rockstar ever or the hottest jungali jawani loving chick but I talk from the emotion point of view.

Okay first of all, if you have never been in love. Stop reading. None of my statements are applicable for you. And researchers usually like to say it- you have been terminated because you are not the TA- target audience. This is purposive post and hence should have a purposively recruited audience. Adios Amigoes!!! For the rest read on. I am going to attempt to make you understand the movie called Rockstar.

At the start (it’s one paragraph down so hardly the start but what the hell), I would take this opportunity to point out the 3 main flaws in the movie which might have led to you not understanding the movie-

1)      Yes the editing sucks- it’s bad- it’s more than bad- it’s horrible- it’s like Imitiaz and his team were drunk on tequila when they were sitting down and editing it or smoking up a joint- that can only explain why a  movie so badly edited can hit the screens

2)      The songs- okay honestly if you think about it, they are kind of short & incomplete- good compositions but less verses

3)      And the biggest problem - The chick- yes the female. The guys probably saw the movie for her, but think about it- did she add to the movie in any way (except the hotness)? She made a simple touch and kiss scene seem like she was on the verge of reaching the promised land. Really? There was bloody over acting in every scene. She seems to have been instructed that its a porn movie every time there was a romantic scene. That was not even her own voice! Imitiaz really, whatever weird thing you have going on with foreigners just drop it already. A new Indian girl would have done wonders to the role. Or even someone like Katrina would have set the screen on fire much better.

(Please note, here the point 3 is the most text heavy- women do like to talk about other women, hence proved)

Carrying on forward from these flaws, I will still say the movie was brilliant due to just few factors- the story, to somewhat Ranbir and then the good songs did help jazz things up.

Over the last one week the main criticism I have heard about Rockstar is that Jordan is a rebel without a cause. Let me clarify this- he is NOT a rebel. He is a rockstar. An angry one. Anger does not make a person a rebel. Period.

The other criticism is that the anger in Jordan is clearly unjustified & stupid. Now to clarify this we will get into the emtoions part. After eliminating the non lovers out there we should be having the following category of people with us-

1)      Those who have loved once but not anymore

2)      Those who have loved a million times already

3)      Those who have loved once and are still in love

Love only happens once. Bullshit. When I was 11, heard Rahul (SRK) say in KKHH- “hum ek baar jite hain, ek baar marte hain, shaadi bhi ek baar hoti hai, aur pyar....ek hi baar hota ha.” Then I did believe him. That was till the end of the movie when he went ahead and married Anjali. Did that mean he never loved Tina? She was just an infatuation? Hardly. What if a girl falls in love with a guy madly deeply but he turns out to be an asshole- so it was never love for her? I think the whole love only happens once was made up years ago by uncle aunties who realized how promiscuous the coming generations could be.

While we clarified that love probably happens more than a few times, great love..well great love is all together a different thing. And the topic of another discussion.

So for those who were once in love, think about those times. The ones who have been in love with their current partner for a long time now go back to the time when you were new to falling in love with him/her. Those of us who have just fallen in love well think about now. Idea being think about love. The first rush.

Yes, so do you remember the first time your girlfriend told you she does not want to see your face again in a fight (for those of you who have been in a relationship long enough you have heard that and said that a million times already that it has lost its damn significance). Remember how angry it made you? Remember how foul a mood you were in? How you would not want to talk, or just want to go drink. Or were throwing things around? Well imagine, you had that big fight and you are walking back home and there are a million cameras in your face- what the fuck would you do- GET ANGRIER!!!

Now tell me, how many times does your girlfriend or boyfriend say do not call me or come to pick me up while you are fighting and you still go???!

Now remember those days of love, when you did not know better. When love was all that we lived for and life came second? When we could choose to let life come second. When we did not care about anyone but us. No family, no friends, nothing- only him/her. When we were rash and loved it. Did not study for a test because we were up talking the whole night to our lover or out with him/her. When we sneaked away in the middle of the night to meet them knowing if you get caught you would be screwed- but you still did it anyway? When you could spend the entire day in bed and do nothing but think about the person you love and all the time you shared together.

Well that, think of all these things, put aside the negative points and then watch the movie. It is an out to out love story under unusual circumstances and in Bollywood how many times do we see that? We can go ahead and appreciate movies like slum dog millionaire but when it comes to this we refuse to understand it. Being so angry in love and letting love be the gudiing light in your love while you hurt other people because you are too busy with it..right..or wrong..is not a question to be discussied in this post either.

At the end of this, if you still pretty much hate the movie and think this is all crap, I would like to end via a quote my friend Saiba uses when people tell her they hated Rockstar- “You just do not have deep emotions.” :P ..

A time much simpler-the simple look at life ©

Go back to a time much simpler than this..

I remember this one line from a song whose name I can’t recall. But this line goes around in my mind quite often these days.

Wasn’t it so much easier when we were kids? Life was all about eating, sleeping and playing. The only time we got angry and fought with our parents was when they didn’t let us eat chocolate or let us watch TV or forced us to eat vegetables. The only reason we got angry with our friends was when they picked teams without picking us, didn’t share their tiffin with us or would not give let us ride the swing. The time when we actually never thought of people as bitches and assholes but just as mean and stupid. The time when someone hurt us and we would not either be socially obliged to still pretend they didn’t or have huge arguments over it but would just say ‘katti,’ do the finger thing and walk away. The time when seeing our dad come home would be one of the most exciting moments of the day. The time when happiness would come from discovering that mom gave us maggi for lunch in the tiffin. We would be on cloud 9 if our crush so much as looked as us twice in a day. When the scariest thing in life were exams. When all we would sleep on was an empty mind and our dreams would be of mindless cute things. The time when we would not even understand the term relationship problems. The time when politics was just a government related thing. When sleeping for 8 hours was more of necessity and luxury. When our fantasies were related to the bed time stories we read. The time when we could actually dream and aim to be anything or anyone and actually believe it was possible. The time when all we needed was mom’s hug to make us feel better after a bad day.

Why is it that as we grow up everything becomes difficult? I remember I heard somewhere that adults make everything complicated, now is when I agree with this statement. As we grow up issues just increase with everything in our lives. All our relationships become more complex, our studies become more complex and the great bane of all problems- our expectations become more complex and greater. Even worse, the expectations of the people around you become more complex and greater!

Over the years I have come to realize that there are some people who find it easier to be an adult (read crib less) and some who are constantly acting like a baby towards adulthood (kicking and throwing a tantrum and telling it to go away). I now classify adults as two types-

The Type A is very easy to spot. They will be the ones who will constantly complain about being an adult and how they want to go back to beings kids while when they were kids all they begged from their parents was to take them as a grown up (read me) and now are glad that for their parents they will never grow up (yay). You will find them sitting in lounges and coffee bars talking animatedly with their friends, reminiscing some about childhood years or sitting quietly as they blow their hookah and sip their vodkas/scotch gazing into the smoke and nothingness reminiscing in their head how life was once much simpler. They will always be ready to pull out some childhood story at every get together. Also important to note the type A adult lies in all adults. It isn’t mostly developed that much in some.

The Type B is not very easy to spot. The basic reason being that their tiny Type A sometimes hides their Type B. These are people who have slipped into adulthood with ease. Ofcourse they might occasionally reminisce about the good old days but the present days are just so happening for them that they hardly get time for all the ‘bullshit.’ Adulthood is the best thing that happened to them. They are the people who like being responsible. The only easiest way to spot one- on a Monday morning in office the only person who does NOT crib about Monday! The other way you can use is- talk about the approaching teachers day and the person who does NOT say- “I want to go back to school/college,” and voila you have your Type B.

For all the Type B- you were born old, loser!

For all the Type A, now we find it easy or not, but one day we will have to give up the tantrums and accept adulthood completely. I admit it is already in us now (the fucker got a part of us) but I say we still have time. Just because it is a loosing battle doesn't mean it must not be fought, innit? So bring out your best tantrum and also your best shoe and lets fight this battle till the child in us is finally ready to give up...happy fighting!

(Short Story) The Greatest 'Fcuk' of my life ©

Ahaan. So most of you read the title and were like, WHAT! You immediately felt the curiosity and the excitement to read this thinking- ‘WOW she is going to share that’? I really think there is a pervert that lives in all of us and ofcourse I am no exception. So ladies and boys (yes I said boys not gentlemen please make note of that) sorry to burst your bubble, but by this I don’t mean ‘fuck’ fuck, as in to put it in crude language- ‘having sex’ fuck or to put it in a sweeter way for the romantic ones out there- ‘making love’ fuck. It is used here in the- ‘he is such a fucker’ expression fuck. This fuck refers to a boy, erase that, THE boy. Our generation does use the word fuck a lot doesn’t it? Delhi Belly sure en-cashed on that trait of ours.

Anyways, the male population reading this should just stop because this isn’t going to be easy on you. Most of you boys out there are just rolling your eyes while you puff away your cigarettes or joints is it(?) and saying- ‘oh she is one of those girls who blame the men for all their problems’? STOP reading now. As for my fellow ladies, join on in. I do love you all..mostly all minus the pea sized brain bitchy gossipy ones. I am due for a visit by the red riding hood very soon so excuse me for all the emotionality. It is PMS and very sadly it isn’t a thing we only hear in Sex and the city.

We have grown up all our lives and heard this over and over again- men, can’t live with them and can’t live without them. Bet you have heard this atleast 100 times in your two decade plus life! I think that’s the mistake there. Have you ever heard of ‘selective conditioning’? Well it’s what has happened and had we not been fed this lie over and over again, we could have made ourselves accustomed to thinking- men are dogs..the Rottweiler kinds not the cute faithful ‘will wait for you’ kinds..better live without them. You would not see those girls heartbroken, shedding a tear on the metro, breaking down in a coffee shop, howling on the phone in a parking lot. Only if our mothers and aunts had been smarter; the world would have been a better place. Who knows maybe women would have finally won the battle of the sexes till now.

So he who makes my world go round and gives me butterflies in my stomach; also make me feel like slitting my wrist and crying my guts out. He who can make me the chirpiest person alive also gives me days when I pass through like a zombie.

What is it about men that makes them such utter disappointments? I wonder if there is switch for ‘not disappointing’ that is turned off in their bodies? A man can never live up to his potential, ever. And the biggest mistake we women make is love these guys for their potential not the ones who they actually are currently and in all possibility will ever be for the rest of their lives. By giving man potential, it was wasted. It’s like giving a sports car to my 80 year old grandmother who mind you does know how to drive but would never dream of stepping the peddle above a 30Km/hr.

In short, God wasted his resources when he made Adam and the rest of the rascals that followed. The way I see it is that all we need the man for is the sperm (science has taken care of the rest), well I can think of better machines to put the sperm in than the machine called boys!

So a girl becomes a lady, a woman. How is it, a boy will always be a boy? Exhibit A- a 40 year old with two kids working his ass of in the office. Leave him alone with his guy friends and you will understand what I mean. A boy, not man. No different from my 24 year old.

So yes, coming back to my boy, AKA Akshay. What can I say about him? My love or my frustrations with him? If I stated with that you would fall asleep and wake up after a day by which time I would have written a thesis and be well on my way of getting a PHD. I will just share with you the story of the fateful ‘yesterday’ and you my dear lady friends will feel me and the dark place inside me that I come from.

So this one week, Akshay and I were quite caught up with our office work. The usual go early come back late and no time for anything. It was a killer week and we didn’t get to meet forget getting to talk properly. So we (okay I will admit, I) had  planned a perfect Saturday for us where we got to spend hours with each other. Go watch a movie we were dying to see since months, followed by lunch, followed by few hours lazing around in our fave hangout and then a long drive. It was supposed to be the perfect Saturday. So guess what Akshay did?  There I painstakingly took two hours to get ready for him- to find the perfect set of clothes, ensure my hair looked awesome, find the right accessories and the works. And then when I meet him he does these two idiotic things- one) he barely notices me or how I look or how I did my hair differently or how cute my dress was looking...or how brilliantly hot I was looking..so many things to notice notice one you dumb ass!! Two) he got his pain in the ass friend along!

Okay lets break this down, first someone please explain to me, why is it that men are so super observant when they need to pick habits/gestures of people to make fun of them but they become completely oblivious to their own girlfriend's new haircut/dress/etc? How!!! Secondly, what is it about men finding comfort in the company of other men that they need to drag them along at an outing with their own girlfriend?! Okay usually when Akshay gets Mohit along (his bff, though they hate me addressing them as that) I rarely mind, but point to be noted is that this is not usually. We had not met this entire week, so I was so not wrong for wanting to spend time alone with my boyfriend!

After a quick hello to both of them, I take out my BB and BBM the ‘pain in the ass’ BF of mine asking why Mohit was there, and my dear ladies, guess what? He replies like the thought never came to his mind that I might not even like it! If exasperation caused heart attacks I would probably be dead by now. After which enthused a long BBM conversation the jist of which is that - since he didn’t meet Mohit this week too and Mohit really wanted to see the movie too, he got him along. Then realizing my annoyance (miracle how he realized that!) he promised me that Mohit would leave after the movie. There went away my dreams of keeping my head on Akshay’s Shoulder and munching on popcorn in the movie. Sob sob. It was so tough to get Akshay to show any love in public’ forget it happening at all with his friend around!

After the movie, Akshay did stand true to his word and we bid Mohit a sweet sweet farewell. Oh ofcourse I acted like the perfect GF, putting in the salutary- “Oh you are leaving (complete with shocked expression)? No you must stay (said in the most pleading tone)”..haha..as if the loser could listen to what I was really thinking!

We moved on to deciding places where we could have our lunch. Now ladies, not that I am too hi-fi or something, but if you are meeting your boy-toy after  a long time, you do think of going to a nice place with a good quite comfortable cosy environment and an elegant ambience. It is so not over expecting to expect that right? Yes so, the options shelled out by me and Akshay were as apart as North and South Pole! The options were like this-

Team Me- Taman gang, Veda, Kylin, Smokehouse, Chi

Team Akshay- KFC, KFC, KFC, Pizza Hut, McDonalds

End Result- Awaited

Do you see the stark difference here? Should I not feel like banging my head against the wall and feel like he doesn’t really care if we meet or not after hearing all this?

A semi-huge argument followed and I did get my way and we walked over to Veda. After placing the order (by which time Akshay had managed to piss me off once again by telling me to hurry and decide what I want...what was the hurry?), our drinks came. There I was dreaming of some nice conversation and catching up on our week. And what does Akshay do? While I told him about my week, these were the words that came out of his mouth- hmm, haan, oh and acha. You would think this was his vocabulary! Occasionally he also glanced at his phone (yes I did feel like throwing that stupid BB on the wall but then we would not be able to BBM and that would be a more loss to me than to this idiot).The icing on the cake is yet to come. So when I finished talking and asked about his week, this is what he said- “it was fine”..that’s it...5 days of the week, 60 hours at office, 10 hours for personal life and he says- ”it was fine”...I mean I didn’t except him to give me a million words but really, three words? Arghhhhhhhhhhhh! Maybe I should have been happy knowing that atleast his vocabulary was more than those 4 words.

I decided to ignore it all and we quietly munched on our food. Note the quietly because it was like if I didn’t talk, he would also not utter a word. After lunch we decided to go to Mocha (luckily there were no discussions or arguments on that) and guess who we ran into there? Mohit again! And Akshay acted so surprised to see him (please don’t tell me you also think this was not planned, how can it not be?) Mohit was there with the chick he was currently dating or in his language- ‘doing time pass’ with. So after we finished our customary greetings, Akshay and Mohit decided we should sit together. I felt like kicking Akshay where it hurt the most! I mean, HELLO!!!

What followed were the most annoying three hours of my life. I was reeling under anger at Akshay but given the company we were in I had to pretend all was fine and the whole pretending was getting on my nerves. I so could think of better ways to spend my Saturday than sit in Mocha with Mohit and his ‘this-week’ girlfriend- things like sleep. Yes sleep would be better than this, watching re-runs of shows on TV would be better than this, damn-oh-damn even a saas bahu serial or big boss would be better than this! The ‘this-week’ girlfriend seemed to have knowledge of only five things- shoes, clothes, bags, designers and fashion magazines. Everytime she discussed all these topics she would move on to how the weather was currently, how Delhi weather sucked and then get back to her  5 areas of knowledge! It wasn’t her fault you see, her brain was too small to accommodate any more knowledge. Amusingly, every single time anyone called on her phone (must have happened atleast 15 times in those 3 hours..damn! dumb people sure have a huge dumb friend circle) her first dialogue would be – ‘Tell me the gossip Bitch!’ (I mentally LOL’ed’ bitch..haha). Well atleast she provided me some entertainment. Finally we decided to leave.

Now my last hope was the car drive which I had planned as a finale to our supposed to be ‘great date’ day. Well as we went down the lift, Akshay told me he was too tired and would just drop me home. OMG! Finally, the pressure was too much to take and the lid came off! You ladies know how much I tried to not reach this point. But now it was way beyond control! I felt like killing him. What followed obviously was a huge argument- the ‘Mahabharata’ of all relationship fights and it continued all the way back home. Mean words went from here to there- left right, back and forth. And finally when he dropped me the fight went on to BBM. And after a while he said he was sleeping and just switched off his phone! Can you believe that? I mean WTF!

What followed was a painful night, loads of tears, agonising over a turned off phone, the entire big fight and all the awful things he said. I barely slept the night. And by the morning I was sure that this would have to end. Enough was enough. Even if I could ignore everything else, insensitivity the main trait was beginning to piss the shit out of me. I had made up my mind. I wrote this long note to pacify myself, to remind myself everytime I felt weak what jerk man-kind was and it was supposed to end a line before.

Then the worst thing happened- ‘he who must not be named’ anymore woke up and BBMed me a ‘good morning’  like nothing happened! Really, men do have balls! I had the right mind to chop off those things and feed it to my dog when my phone beeped again and it was again ‘he who must not be named anymore’ BBMing. This is what is said-‘Sorry baby for yesterday night. Take all the mean things back.. just got too angry. Head was aching so slept, sorry.. love you lots! Stop being angry now..promise won’t happen next time. Lets meet for dinner?’

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, he who must not be named, can be named again now- my Akshay!! Isn’t he just awwwww. He said sorrryyyy. He said he loved me. He took back all the mean things. Just soo awww. Yes yes I know what you are thinking, but right now its just too aww. I know tomorrow he will fuck this up again..but right now I feel like I am on cloud 9 and really did I actually not sleep last night? Its me only, who makes a big deal of small things. I mean so what if he got his friend along? Mohit is his best friend and he is sort of fun to be around. And Akshay baby likes burgers more than Pan-Asian, Italian or any other cuisine so he gave options of those for lunch. And ofcourse that meet up at Mocha with Mohit was not planned. And obviously if your best friend asks you to sit with him, how could anyone say no? Uff!  It is just me. Also he had such a hard week, ofcourse he was tired and wanted to drop me home. And how would he BBM me back when his head was aching? Poor baby, I troubled him when he was feeling sick. It is all me..I make the mistakes..I am the ‘fuck’...now must go plan today and make up for yesterday..bye!

Yours Sincerely

Emotional Fool AKA Girl/ Lady/ Woman