Trouble ©

What is it about trouble that comes in form of guys and attracts you crazily to it? You are a sensible young girl who till now has always known better but then infront of this you feel powerless, you feel like you have no choice but to give in, it is not just a want anymore, it is an insatiable need and infront of all these feeling  you ask yourself- how bad can it be? Months later you do get that answer and you wish you could turn back time, to go back to the moment when you let your better senses go and the feelings take over.

It’s funny how all my life I never liked to play with fire. I was always the girl who played it by the rules, played it safe and played it in control. I wasn’t boring but I had hard limits set. What else would explain that I was 25 years old with just 2 relationships, both serious and both which ended because I decided that they had just run their course and did not make sense for me to be in them anymore. No I was not cold by any standard or calculative or mean. I was just sensible. Love was one thing, life was another and that’s how it was for me. No matter what Karan Johar or Yash Chopra tried to teach us, love was not everything. Period.

I had my friends falling for the girls and boys who from a distance one could make out were wrong for them. But they would let themselves fall for them and I would silently judge them and wonder why they were so stupid. Why give your heart to someone who you knew for sure would break it? Wasn’t the difference between a human and any other animal that we could think much more? I never knew I would ever be at that place. I think life does that to you, takes you to the place you always think you are too good to be at that. Life takes you there just to show you, who is in control and take away your misconceptions.

The day I met him, I think that’s the day I let go of my control for the first time. After that day I don’t think I ever got it back. I remember when I first saw. I was parking my car outside my friend Sonia’s house and as I was putting my head lights off I saw this guy (him) removing his jacket and handing it over to Chotu Bhaiya, my friend’s cook. From far away I could make out the look of gratitude on the Chotu Bhaiya’s face as he folded his hands and walked off to his cycle. That’s the minute when I got off the car and his eyes caught me staring at him even from that far away. It’s always like when we stare at people and they catch us staring me look elsewhere feeling caught, however I didn’t feel like I was caught, I just felt stuck, glued on to it, like I had to keep looking, like I was not doing anything wrong. It went on for barely ten seconds but felt like eternity, till Sonia came outside and yelled my name. After hugging her we went to take the alcohol and snacks that I had got out of my car. When I turned back to see he was gone. I asked her about the guy standing outside and handing over his clothes and got to know that he was Akshay her old school friend and he had given away his jacket because Chotu Bhaiya had to go back on a cycle to his house which was about 10 kms away wearing just a flimsy sweater and Akshay felt he needed warmer clothes. When I heard this I was like wow, who does that at our age specially. Kindness like that always touched me. After picking the stuff as we walked in she told me more about him. Things complete opposite of kindness. He had had a laundry list of girlfriends till date, never staying with anyone longer than a few months. He was known to have flings, be promiscuous and break hearts like they could be glued back to perfection just like that. That’s intrigued me, the kindness and the evil casualness put together. In retrospect I feel that was so foolish of me. It’s a stereotype isn’t it- the bad boy with a heart of gold. 

I was surprised at how I behaved that entire night. Wanting to catch glimpses of him throughout the party as I had not been able to look at him properly but only from an angle, my eyes continuously scanning whichever room I was in to see if he was there. It was illogical and that’s what made it more amusing for me because illogical was not my department. My wishes did come true that night, after few drinks when I went to the loo there was long line which I refused to wait in and went to Sonia’s room to use the loo there. When I opened her door, there he was.  All 6 feet, tanned skin of him just few inches away from me and I could see him clearly. To say he was attractive was an understatement. If I was a dog my mouth would have opened and I would be drooling right there. Without thinking I just closed the door behind me and stood staring at him with my drink in my hand. His chocolate brown eyes piercing back into me. I think I stared for a few seconds too long without anything that he finally spoke up to ask my name. If I remember correctly I think I didn’t reply for atleast 1 minute which possibly made him think that I was an idiot. Once I did get my voice back and my “buzzed”ness under control, we chatted for a few minutes about how we both knew Sonia and thought she was so awesome, where we lived, what we did, etc. The conversation just flew. It was weird that we didn’t need Sonia to introduce us. We had managed to get introduced just fine. He cracked a few jokes, I laughed which reminded me how much I needed to go to the loo but I could not pull myself away from him. And then I did something which I had never done before. No I didn’t sleep with him or kiss him, I wasn’t promiscuous. But when he asked for my number, I immediately gave it to him. Infact I spoke out my number so fast that he has to ask me to say it slowly. I felt so goofy then. Like he was some angel who was walking on snow and I was like this idiot roller skating on the road and falling again and again. No one had ever made me feel inferior ever and he managed to do it. I never particularly though I was a Greek goddess but I knew I was fine and did have manage to have men fall over me when I made the little extra effort to dress myself up well. But again I never went for looks; I was more of the content girl.

The next few days we exchanged BBM pins and were continuously messaging. I wasn’t innocent, we were flirting. The usual dance that men and women do before they start dating, it was that and much more. I didn’t meet him during those initial days but I was still so attracted to him that I didn’t know what to do. All this while all those things Sonia told me about him actually didn’t bother me. For a change I wasn’t thinking ten steps ahead, I was just enjoying the moment. I think that’s what it was for me, it was different from what I was used to, what I had known and done all 25 years of my existence. This was adventurous and fun and when it came in a package like that, well it was damn hot too. The BBMing led to calling and meeting and more I got to know him, the more wonderful a person I got to know he was. He had extreme love for his family and his younger sister was the apple of his eye. Brought up in typical Indian style, to see the love he had for his family was endearing for me. He was the guy who volunteered at a pet shelter. He was the guy who gave 100 bucks to the beggar children just like that. He was the guy who would rather go meet his grandparents driving 300 kms to Jaipur than go to a pool party. He was the guy who would generously give tip even when that was all the money he had left for the month. And all this while he was oblivious to all the good he did. He had a big heart and I beginning to fall in love with that heart. At times my brain used to ask me to think about what Sonia had said and I used to ignore it thinking they were all rumours. You tell me, how could I believe then that someone with a heart like that could ever play games with anyones heart? I was falling hard. 

Somewhere Sonia caught sense of what was happening and told me she needed to speak to me. She questioned me on my feelings for Akshay and I lied outright to her that he was just a friend. I didn’t want to admit to her what I was beginning to feel for him because I knew she would not like t. But being my friend for 5 years she knew I was lying and she warned me point blank then about as good Akshay was as a guy, a friend, a person, that awful he was as a boyfriend. She told me about the last girl he had been with and how he had cheated on her not once but three times, in one single week with 3 different girls. I could not believe that, I kept quite buy in my heart  defended him, making excuses for him like it was all just  a misunderstanding and people were blowing things out of proportion, how he had just not met the one, etc.  She kept telling me about all his exes, his flings and his one night stands. How he always left a line of brokenness where ever he went. I was scared then, scared of who I was falling for. I still thanked Sonia and told her I had to leave. There was just too much on my mind and when I didn’t answer his calls and messages that night he knew something was wrong and asked me to meet him in the park near my house.  It was 1 in the night but I still decided to sneak out and go. I thought this was my chance and I would tell him all that Sonia had told me and he would obviously tell me it wasn’t true and all exaggerated and it would all be okay.

I remember him already sitting on the bench when I reached. I took my place next to him. He didn’t say a word. After a few minutes, his hand moved on top of mine and I felt the biggest rush of my life and pulled it back. There was silence and I knew I had to ask him now or I would forever lose that chance. I looked the other way and bluttered it all out, everything that Sonia told me. I kept speaking and speaking and then I stopped and I looked up at him. Expecting anger in his eyes and his statements of denial to begin. But what I saw was so much different. There was a pain in his eyes, in the heaviness way and he just looked into my eyes and told me that he never meant to hurt any of them. I could not believe it, I looked away. A part of me was shocked that it was all true, another part of me wanted to ask him how could he cheat on a girl with 3 different girls and not mean to hurt that girl, another part of me wanted to just walk off and not talk to that piece of shit again, another part of me wanted to hit him for hurting so many women, but this other part of me wanted to hug him and understand that pain in his eyes and then take it all away. I think that this other part was the strongest that night. I didn’t hug him but I could not get myself to walk away or do anything else. Then I looked up at him and he was looking at me. My mind told me then very clearly- he was trouble and I should walk away, run infact but my heart it didn’t want to move. And then before I could think anymore, his lips were on mine and he was kissing me. My brain was screaming at me to run away now but I could not move and before I knew it I was kissing him back and that voice in head it was drowned as that kiss consumed me. I had willingly given in and now I think how manipulative he was to corner me like that and put me in that spot.

I think there was no turning back then, and that day when I gave in, he has already opted out. I was not going to be the girl that would change him, the girl who finally took away his heart..how could I be? When I was in his heart was nowhere in sight. It was just passion, fun and a lot of laughter. Maybe it was the chase that was exciting for him and once the chase was over his interest was also gone. We were together 3 months and it did end like it always did for him. His interest dwindled and he walked away. All those 3 months I thought things were fine and our flame was growing not knowing that the flame was infact growing powerless by the minute. One day we had stupid fight over which channel to watch at his place and when I went home and tried calling him not giving much thought to our fight, he never answered. Several calls and messages later, there was still no reply, no call back. I even tried going to his home over the next few days. He wasn’t home whenever I went. I didn’t know what was happening. I was confused and thought I had done something wrong and if he told me I could correct it. I re-ran our fight in my head a million times trying to decode if there was something more to it than just a fight about a channel to watch. Within a week of this happening he wrote me an email- about how nice I was but he could not do justice to me and we could not work out hence we could not be together and wished me a nice life. It has been just 3 months but when I read this letter I felt like someone had had pushed my head inside a water tub and was trying to drown me. I had spent a week analyzing my actions trying to wonder what triggered him to not talk to me so that I could correct them and make it okay but he had just cut the cord saying we could never work when in 3 months I had never felt that once or even felt that he felt that once? I used to blame myself then, I did for a very long time. Only later I realized I was never at fault. It was just how he was and I was stupid to give in. I dated him for 3 months but it took me a year to get over what had happened to me.  I had lost control of my life, my relationships.

Now when I look back I have made so much sense of it but I still do not know why he was the way he was and why I fell for him so hard. I sometimes wonder if there will be any girl who will change him, get to his heart. I sometimes even wonder why I could not be that girl and then I scold myself for feeling that.

So life dragged me down from my mighty throne from where I sat and judged people right down to the floor among them with my heart bandaged. I wonder who is judging me now.

25 “Cool” things about being 25 ©

I started this note thinking I would write 25 things I have learnt (pun-intended) in 25 years but I realized I had already done something similar a few months back and then I was back to square one with nothing to write about. I wanted to write something related to 25 and hence thought of doing something different with it. 25 with a twist?!

So why did I want to write about this particular age? When I was young“er”; I would get into arguments with my parents which would go something like this-

Them (as usual the set of them ganged up against me):  “No Ramneek, you are still a kid and you need to listen to us!”

Me: “I am not a kid. I am 15/16/17/18/19/20... and I am quite capable of making my own decisions. It’s my life!”

Them: “Don’t be in a hurry to grow up beta; this time will never come back.”

We all have had this sort of argument with our parents’ right? And everytime they said something to the like of ‘don’t be in a hurry to grow up’ I would roll my eyes and silently wonder what the whole good deal was about being kids and promise myself that this is something I would never tell my children. I don’t have children yet, I am not even married but I know for a fact that this is something I am also going to say to my children probably a hundred times more than my parents said it to me. Now I do wish someone would call me a kid and take my decisions for me. When you are put in unpleasant and tough situations; a part of me still wants to pause it and rewind time and go back to being a child again. Getting up in the morning, fighting with my parents every single day over breakfast they forced me to eat and then going to school. The other day I was sick and had unavoidable work at office for a few days and I remembered how easy it was when we were younger, fall sick and voila there was a sick leave and mommy dearest taking care of you at home and we actually got to watch unlimited TV. A flu/viral was actually like a little mini vacation in those times. Here in office you fall sick; you have two options. Options 1; go to work no matter how you feel or option 2; dare to take a holiday and suffer the consequences (shudder). So yes this is the inevitable circle for your life, we all are destined to become our parents. It is true. Don’t believe me now? Let’s talk about this in another 10 years, when there is a spouse on your head and two or three or one (if you are the less the more types) child/children trotting around you.

So in this depressive state of affairs I decided to cheer myself up and jot down 25 things I learnt in 25 years which has now turned into 25 cool things about being 25. Yay! Something to make being in my mid 20s feel less adult than it honestly really is. Don’t be shocked guys; I am sure we will find 25 cool things. Hope for it! Here goes.

1. First and foremost- why did I even want to write a note titled ‘25 things I have learnt in 25 years’? Because growing older makes you want to share your knowledge! One of the perks of being an adult and growing up is getting to share your life experiences or so called leanings with those younger. Ahan. The more the wrinkles the more the ‘tazorba’. So basically since I don’t have kids right now and yet feel old I had this parent-‘ly’ feeling; the feeling we dreaded as kids; that is; of shedding some life knowledge and feeling oh so grown up (in the good way).You have gyaan to share darlings! And the younger 20-21 year olds might actually think you know what you are talking about and look upto you (yes you, imagine)!
2. Well, you can officially drink now. Okay so you were grooving with drinks in your hands when Hard Kaur sang ‘ek glassy do glassy teen glassy char’ but doesn’t it feel nice that now you can do it legally? Admit is baby, it sure does!
3. Alcohol tastes better. Ofcourse we had it when we were younger but it was more due to peer pressure and to look cool (admit it, you did). Now you have “acquired” the taste and unless you are my best friends (:P) you definitely know how to hold your booze better than you did when you were 18.
4. You make money! Maybe it isn’t all that much but alteast it’s something right, atleast when you spend a little too much doing that shopping/ online shopping you don’t feel as guilty about it, only broke much before the month ends.
5. You have better control over your hair. You know how to manage it and how to make it pass through a bad hair day. This has been one big victory. Final score- You 100, Hair 99.
6. Remember when we look at old photographs and can’t stop laughing over how bad our dressing sense was in Class 9th or 10th? Well chances are that ten years down the line we would still slightly look down on the clothes we are wearing today but it would only be slightly. We do have better control over clothes now! We are done with awkward styling & experimenting of the early 20s and have now found the clothes that are our second skin. Thankfully!
7. You have much become much better at identifying bitches & assholes. When we were younger it took us months to come to the realization that about somebody’s bad behaviour was an inherent part of their crappy personality and not just a one off incident. Now we have come to accept that some people are born like that and we have become trained to spot them easy, maybe not as easily as we would want..well we will get there too.
8. You are 25. It is a cool number really. 5 multiplied by 5!! Haha. Okay this one was random but it counts.
9. Not having to study or prepare for exams! No matter how late I work in office some days or how sometimes have to work over weekends, I do not want to go back to giving exams. Period.
10. The much better relationship you share with your parents. It’s simply beautiful how as you grow older parents turn from your care takers; to the ones who seem to not let you do anything; to the ones you rebel against; to the ones who support you; to your best friends and confidants.
11. The evolved relationship with your siblings. At one time you fought with them and hated their guts but now you know who has your back and forever will- them.
12. Having friends you have known for ages. By the time you are 25 you have gone through a lot of friends and have identified your special ones and chances are you have now known them for quite a while which is a brilliant because they feel like your second family. The idiots you love to pieces and who love you back.
13. Your dreams are realistic now. The best thing about being a child is having infinite dreams and not having the wisdom to know that some of them can never come true. It is true bliss. Dreaming and believing it would come true. But as we grow older reality does set in and it sort of hurts, dreaming even when you know it is not a possibility. By the time you are 25 you get more realistic and dream accordingly. And isn’t that good?
14. You know what you don’t want in life. You are far away from knowing what you want in life and are probably going to fall, err, cry, heal and find your way a 100 more times before you know what you want but what you don’t want, that is pretty much mapped out in your head and more so in your heart.
15. You understand the X rated jokes now without having to pretend laugh to save face because you have not understood a word. This happened a lot when you were 20. Remember watching Sex and the City when you were 18 and you could not make sense of a lot of the stuff the girls talked about? It happened with Friends too where in some episodes they cracked these jokes and you would wonder to yourself what did it mean. Well atleast that’s over.
16. You know yourself much more and are connected with yourself. This is one of the most important connections you have to make in life. As life moves on you will change and evolve but the connection you have made with yourself will just grow along with. Do not let it go, develop it more.
17. Chances are that if you are a girl living in our dear India, you have always had a deadline and your parents have always been super protective about you. It never goes away, ever. Infact as you grow older even your elder siblings especially brothers start being super protective. But by the time you are 25; your parents have made peace with the fact that you are a grown up (probably not as much as you would wish they would) and your deadlines have either extended by a lot or gone away completely. And if you are a girl trust me this is one of the biggest plus points of this age.
18. You are still capable of partying the entire night and picking up your tired ass and going to work the next day. Yes, you crazy 21 year olds, Booyahhhh!!!! Not only do we party, ‘partaaaaaay’ style but we also are responsible enough to wake up and go make world changing decisions (well fine, go make presentations/reports/analysis/sales) the next day while you will just pick you lazy ass to go sleep in a lecture.
19. Your wardrobe is amazingly huge now, only if you are a girl. If you are guy I am sure you still just have 2 pairs of jeans, 2 pairs of t-shirts, 2 pairs of trousers, 2 pairs of shirts & 2 pairs of shoes. Uff, these men never change! So us girls, we have a lot of shoes and clothes, everything for every occasion, for every weather, for every mood..but yes, we will still cry about how we have nothing to wear.
20. Your music taste has become so much more awesome now. You like different varieties of music & are not just an Akon/ Atif Aslam loyalist anymore. Or for that matter, a Himesh Reshamiya loyalist singing- Tera tera teraaa surooor:P
21. In the journey to turning 25, chances are that in all likelihood you have conquered one great fear of yours till now. Think about it. There has to be something. For me, growing up with just one elder sibling and not many cousins I never had any young kids around when I was a teenager. So I had developed a fear of holding kids, I honestly always thought I would drop them. Well I have overcome that atleast; without actually dropping one. About time.
22. Parents finally understand when you tell them you need space. It seems that the manuscript given to Indian people once they become parents specifies to always mollycoddle your child. After a bad day or a bad fight with someone, I remember so many times telling my  parents that I wanted to be alone, I don’t think they understood it ever because they did the exact opposite of it. Admittedly I am thankful for that but sometimes you just need a little tiny space. By the time you turn 25, your parents understand that. Finally.
23. Well okay, so yes half the people I know are either married or somewhere along the path of going into holy matrimony. If we look at it one way, it sucks. But every cloud has a silver lining my friend. The more of marriages, the more of awesome clothes I get to buy, the more of awesome shoes to go with it, the more of awesome snaps I get to take, the more of crazy parties I get to attend and let me tell you, there is no crazier party than a Punjabi marriage function party! You think you saw cocktail? Well attend a Punjabi cocktail and you will know what the real cocktail is!
24. You have better control over your weakness for something. Like that liking for chocolate which was ridiculously a lot since I was a kid, well that has reduced and now I can easily stop myself from having a piece of chocolate when offered one and saying no. Self control, which is what you learn with age. Umm, writing about chocolate reminds me that there is this Mars bar lying in my fridge. Hmmmmm. Scratch the self control, point 23 is deemed invalid :P
25. And finally the 25th.....You are older but not old enough. Which means that it will be a long long long longgggg while before we grow up completely and stop being stupid and silly. So we can be adults without being all the way there. We are 25 and not 30 yet ;)

Napster

1^st August 2001- 26^th June 2012

They say it’s you who takes care of your dog, but isn’t it really your dog who takes care of you? They are always there- happy when you are happy, counselling you when you are low, giving you a warm fuzzy hug and lick when you cry and helping you feel needed when you feel useless. They are there every step of the way.

My Napster, was all this and more. For almost 11 good years. Born 1^st August, he came to our lives on 12th September 2001. We had been wishing for him for a few years, pleading with our parents; telling them how we will take care of him and they would not have to, how we would clean him, walk him, brush him, feed him- all the things teenagers say to convince their parents to let them keep a dog. His name came into our lives much before he did. Our mom heard us obsessing over the music downloading site called Napster and she decided pronto that this is what we would name our future dog.

The day he came into our lives, he came with a bang. The decision had been taken and we were going to get a dog. Parents had found out from where and when. The date had been set. The whole day I remember going to school telling everyone who would listen that I was going to get a dog. I was on cloud nine. When we got home, we were totally excited and awaiting our dad’s return from work even more so than normal that day as he would get the dog. So our dad being the person who loves to surprise us, to throw us off track told mom to tell us he was not getting him as he could not find the way to the doctor he had to pick him from. She told us the same and so dejected we were. A few minutes later when the bell rang and we like we usually did went to meet dad, little did we know it was the last time only the 2 of us along with mom would run to the door when dad came. And there we saw..from dad’s coat was this black ball of softness coming out and we screamed in joy. Dad put him down and the sniffer got into his sniffing mania. He was super active! We were shocked. We thought pups were like cute, quite and not so active. That’s what they used to show in movies till then! When we all sat down he immediately came to me and started gnawing at my chappal and thinking it was just for now I gave it to him. How was I supposed to know this chappal eating would soon to become a habit (rokee mistake! In the future when our other two dogs came, chappals were the first things they were told NO for).

So his first night he slept in our room, shared by me and my brother. The whole night we were scared that he might climb our bed and bite us. HAHA. Not knowing then that his teeth could barely bite through bread forget out skin. From then on began the roller coaster ride..

Napster did not stop at chappals, within his first 6 months; he had eaten most of my chappals, the heel of my pretty new sandals, several chunnis of my mom, the socks and handkerchiefs of my dad..all this while when my brother was busy feeding him everything he himself ate- one French for Harpreet other French fry goes to Napster, I have photographed proof of this). Apart from all these dirty habits he had, I don’t think Napster himself knew he was a dog. He would not bark (dad even thought he was mute), he would not bark even if other dogs barked at him and he had absolutely no interest in meeting other dogs though if they were bitches he would put his flirt hat on (yes he was quite a Casanova- tried to flirt with two sisters at once!).

After he was about 3-4 months old, my dad asked me to live up to my promise of walking him. I remember the first evening I took him, I remember cursing him- he pooped in the middle of the road, went a little ahead and lied down. In the middle of the road! He would not get up even if I tugged at his leash, pulled him, pleaded with him..nothing worked! And then I had to turn back and take him back home. For that he got up and started walking. Smart ass! But this was only the start. After a few days when he realized I would not give up, he gave in and from then started our walking evenings. The dog could walk! He would walk fast, slow, medium pace..whatever I would want, how long I would walk. It became our time together. But fool you not; this was only with me..till date he was the most stubborn dog ever (even when he was not well, imagine that). He would walk fast, slow, medium pace but ‘his’ pace not yours. What he wants. With me, he let me guide him. With others he would always take the lead.  Over the years we have had many helps come and complain that- “Napster ne tu aaj mujhe gira hi diya..itna kheecha” ..and my mom would always apologize profusely to them and pretend to scold Napster.

Through his nearly 5 years as our only dog, Napster devoured in all the attention he got. In his second winter he was given a coat to wear, the sneaky little thing ate it! Yes he ate it! Ran away in a room and 10 minutes later when everyone was wondering where he is and looked for him, they found him sitting in one the beds in a room and eating his coat! Weird-‘ed’ by his behaviour, my brother went and got him a new coat, thinking he would feel too cold without it. And guess what Napster did? Within the next 1 week it was eaten too! So then silly us, got him another coat..and we all know what he did to that! I think Napster came into the right family, because my mom also took a stubborn stand and told us not to buy him any new coat. She took the last eaten away one, took one of my winter skirts and made him a ‘coat-a-skirty’. Haha. So for the next 2 winters Napster wore that and he didn’t eat it. We don’t know if it was because he actually loved it or because he understood that nothing new was coming for him.

As naughty as he was, Napster was also obedient. He has a huge vocabulary. Would not touch his food till he was told to- “Eat”. That is some self control. After his first 6 months, he would not litter in the house at all! He knew the classic handshake. My dad did train him well and he was an easy dog to train.

I remember when I read 'Marley and Me', Napster would have been 4 years old. I remember thinking that time that I could not ever imagine him not being here. And today that is a reality. What he meant to me and my family can never be put properly in words and the adventures we shared together can never be written in a few words. He touched not only our lives but the lives of all the people around us. My best friends, who used to be scared of Napster when I got to know them, now love him as much as I love him. My now bhabhi, when I got to know her as a friend, having a dog was one of the first few things in common we had and now she loved and took care of him like her own baby when he needed it the most.

All I can say is that he came into our lives and filled our hearts with love, so much love..he took love and he gave more of that back..he could not speak but his eyes spoke and they spoke about love and how he would always be there for us..he was funny, mischievous yet mature and cherished in all the attention he got..he loved us, the ac, the food and sniffing after Lizzie..he was special..he was a champion in every sense of the word.. and we will love him forever..our sweetest angel :* ..Take care, till we meet again :)

The last time I checked we weren’t celebrities or critics!! ©

Either someone is too thin or too fat..too fair or too tanned or too dark..put on a little weight or needs to lose a little..has lots of acne or too much of a porcelain skin that he/she looks pale..has a belly coming out or looks so anorexic that you can see his/her bones..someone’s dressing sense looks like he/she is from hell (ofcourse, only you could know what people in hell looked like) or someone dresses so fancy that it has to be daddy’s money (glad to know you are good at judging people’s financial wealth, maybe you do have a career calling in life after all)..

So what's the deal people? Where the hell and how the hell does so much judgement come by? Who are you to judge if someone needs to lose a little weight or go to a dermatologist? If that someone is okay with how they are and like it, who are you; that is matters to you? Aspiring to be a critic are we? Using all of us as your playground?

The last time I checked, we were not celebrities and our job was not that of a celebrity. So even if we don’t look perfect or have a few extra pounds or a few less pounds, trust me..it does not matter. I will still go to work and get paid the amount I always do. We are engineers, doctors, lawyers, researchers, marketers, managers and how fat or thin we look or how much acne we have will never effect how good our performance is at work. Though, if the next time they start paying me 2 lacs for one day of “appearance” at work I might consider looking perfect and working hard at it. So next time you want to judge me or the rest of us, give us 2 lacs each and we will take care and be perfect.

Sometimes living in a place like Delhi (I really don’t know where else such things happen) gets on your nerves and hence the ranting. Looking at a person, thinking he/she has gained weight etc etc is fine..come one we are humans, the observing creatures so we will observe, but passing a judgement as to how they look and how they should reduce weight and so on and so forth for all the other judgements we make is not cool. If a person is healthy, it is their wish how they look and if they want to change it, it is their choice.  Not yours. And unless you are their best or close friend, family, boyfriend/girlfriend etc, it’s really not your business to even give a suggestion.

If you are from Delhi, think about it..you will always know these girls/girl who whenever you meet will pass a judgment on your appearance- the weight you gained or lost, the acne that came or went, the puffiness or dark circles of your eyes and then all about the clothes you are wearing. And they will always do it with good facial expressions to make their judgements even more dramatic (open a drama school in Delhi, natural talent here). Whenever I meet someone like this I feel like slapping them. There outright, I have rage issues and I wish these girls knew before they passed judgement like that on me or anyone else. I often wonder, how do they even notice such things in the first place or keep track of them? Do they maintain a diary of such things (that vela)? And why do they do it? It is because they are constantly so insecure of how they look and feel they are under scrutiny so they must put everyone else under their scrutiny just to make themselves feel in control again?

Don’t get me wrong, I love Delhi but sometimes people do have a habit of getting too judgemental here. Why do people here care so much about how others look? Okay fine, there is a page 3 culture here which possibly is why people are so aware of the appearance aspect of self and others. But then that’s them, the socialites who have to keep the appearances. Why do normal girls want to emulate them? Even if they do, why do they want everyone else to emulate them and look perfect?

The saddest part is, it is mostly women who pass such judgements and impose them on men too. So it is a vicious circle right. The women in our city bringing the city down and the city bringing the women down.